After 15 years, is this finally it? Have I let him go for the last time?? I don't know what to do anymore, what to think, or how to feel. But after hearing him talk about his wife, and how he is thinking about moving his family back out west...I just don't know if I can take it any more. How are you supposed to love someone and care about them, when they've pledged their life to someone else? Even though their marriage is broken; they have four children together, one with special needs. I can't keep convincing myself that we are "best friends". Maybe we are, but in retrospect, we are just trying to hold on to some sort of normalcy that isn't there anymore.
If there really is such a thing as a soul mate, I used to think that he was it. I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe soul mates are really just a sham, and love really isn't all it's made out to be. Who knows; but I do know this...he can live his life in Louisiana, in his double-wide, with his four rugrats and the worlds laziest wife. It doesn't matter anymore. I can't have him, I haven't been able to have him 100% since he took her hand in marriage. And I sure as hell can't have him with four children.
Maybe if this blogging thing works, I can go in to the whole, long, drawn out story of how I met him.
